I just saw a hot homeless man
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
