I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
