She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
