peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
