so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
