Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
