even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
