I just saw a hot homeless man
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
