just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm at about main and main street
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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