question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
