You're my little dorito
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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