I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
