Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
