At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
