You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
