Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
