Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize