I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
