My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
