naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
