Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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