Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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