my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
