I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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