just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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