My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
