I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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