Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
