At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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