He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize