yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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