please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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