We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
