u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I met the friendliest cop last night
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
