so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize