You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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