I CAN MOONWALK!
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
