Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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