Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
