the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
