I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
