ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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