i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
