idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
