Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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