I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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