i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
