Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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