Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
