I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
