I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
