It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
