Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
