I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
