the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
handjob tips. give me some.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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