My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
