He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize