friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
