she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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