He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
