I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
