you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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