oh god the rape fog is back!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
