At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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