is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
