mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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