I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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