false alarm. still invincible.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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