my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
